Cat Jokes

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother,
"There were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens."
"How did you know?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath." he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."

A woman walked into the pet store. "I haven't got much money", she told the clerk, "so I'd like to know if you've got any kittens you'll let go cheap".
"I'd let them, Ma'am." said the clerk, "but they prefer to meow".

Q: Where does a cat go that has lost its tail?
A: A retail store

One fine sunny day, two robins were laying on their backs, enjoying the sun.
A mother cat and her kittens went strolling by. The kittens, as always, were saying how hungry they were and what could they have to eat?
Their mama, spying the birds, said "How about some baskin' robins?"

 

The End of the Raven

 

On a night quite unenchanting, when the rain was downward slanting,
I awakened to the ranting of the man I catch mice for.
Tipsy and a bit unshaven, in a tone I found quite craven,
Poe was talking to a Raven perched above the chamber door.
"Raven's very tasty," thought I, as I tiptoed o'er the floor,
"There is nothing I like more"

 

Soft upon the rug I treaded, calm and careful as I headed
Towards his roost atop that dreaded bust of Pallas I deplore.
While the bard and birdie chattered, I made sure that nothing clattered,
Creaked, or snapped, or fell, or shattered, as I crossed the corridor;
For his house is crammed with trinkets, curios and wierd decor -
Bric-a-brac and junk galore.

 

Still the Raven never fluttered, standing stock-still as he uttered,
In a voice that shrieked and sputtered, his two cents' worth - "Nevermore."

 

While this dirge the birdbrain kept up, oh, so silently I crept up,
Then I crouched and quickly lept up, pouncing on the feathered bore.
Soon he was a heap of plumage, and a little blood and gore -
Only this and not much more.

 

"Oooo!" my pickled poet cried out, "Pussycat, it's time I dried out!
Never sat I in my hideout talking to a bird before;
How I've wallowed in self-pity, while my gallant, valiant kitty
Put and end to that damned ditty" - then I heard him start to snore.
Back atop the door I clambered, eyed that statue I abhor,
Jumped - and smashed it on the floor.

 

-- by Edgar Allen Poe's Cat